Sunday, January 17, 2010

Driver of momentally awesome proportions

My Drivers name is Mr Singh, and if anyone has ever read Shantaram, he is a classy version of Praubaker. A man who has only my best interests at heart and is slowly teaching me Hindi. He navigates the streets like on a hydroplane and that's really saying something. He is a wise 44 year old Sihk who loves to sing and make me watch bollywood music videos in the car. He says the funniest things which will now be going in my book. ( He wants me to write a book about him). Honestly I don't know how I would have done this without him...well yes I do but that's beside the point.

Agra...more like...AGRRRRRRRRR! Yup not my favourite place. Yes home of the Taj, but as Mr Singh says: "Trust nobody from Agra! EVER!"
He was right cause my hotel tried to give me a crap room until I Quietly snapped "Mckenzi Style" and got bumped up to the delux Suite! Yeah! ...
No..they froze me to death in that suite and then made me pay 200RS (About $6) for a heater.

Walking on the street was the best:
A little boy came up to me begging fopr me to buy pens and boxes. It was a fairly decent performance actually, maybe half a tear there, but as my last acting teacher would say: "Really???!!!" So the more I said no, the more things he tried, the best of which was. "Give me a kiss, just one kiss, the lips the cheek...the tongue!" WAS HE EVEN 10yrs! They start em young here.

So the Taj Mahal, is the most awesome thing I've ever seen....all 20 mins of it!!
I was one of the lucky ones actually. This is the month of fog apparently and it rolled in so fast that the entire massive wonder was invisible not 5 meters away from it. Luckily I have pre-fog pics.
why did the cows cross the road?
They didn't. They just sat in the middle of it watching the traffic go by like a bunch of spectators at a game of lawn bowls. I have pics for proof!

Lunch time:
This is on the road to Rajasthan, in a rather dodgy place. I asked Mr Singh if Tourists go here and he says "Sure Sure!" like this is a rite of passage or something. I go to the bathroom and have an automatic gag relfex and try to touch everything with my left hand...there was no soap and my hand sanitiser was not available.
Mr Singh orders lunch for me because I couldn't decide which food I wanted to be my last on this earth. It's everything I'm not supposed to eat. Wheat and probably unpastuerised yoghurt. The pots and pans I saw being washed by water I wouldn't wash my own butt with. Mr Singh is waiting for me to eat. I take my right hand and pray to anything worth praying to, and eat the food. I avoid the yoghurt but it was offensive not to eat some.
Lets just say that everything in my back pack I had to counteract bacteria I TOOK!!! and waited. Thank you lord for the Dukerol. 5 hours later I had stomach cramps and Thor-like rumblings. REIKI, REIKI, REIKI!!!

Then nothing...and here I am writing to you by the grace of life....big sigh.

Forgot to mention that after lunch we went to a national park and bird sanctuary. Driven around on a 3 wheeled bycicle and saw wild animals up the wazoo! Incredible! I was even 2 feet from 2 Pythons!!! Best afternoon ever! Pics for later.
I asked to drive the trycicle with Mr Singh and the driver in the back for a bit. Bad idea. I veered off the path and as the driver jumped off to stop us i put on the brake and his fingers were caught in the clasp. oops. He was fine but I felt bad. 300RS bad.

All in all an eventful day, and my hotel that night was just beautiful.


  1. Very impressive my darling- keep them coming.
    Hope your belly is feeling better. Reading your story made me cringe, but that's what it's all about!!! Enjoy- be safe xoxoox